Living with the GHOSTS

Years ago I remember reading a beautiful story titled “Ghostville Elementary, Ghost class.” In this wonderful story, the fifth grade students had to shift their classroom to the basement due to the shortage of teaching space. The poor little kids soon discover that their new classroom is haunted by the ghosts of centuries old students. The most appealing part about this story was that instead of trying to drive the ghosts out of their class, the students designed and created a classroom which was suitable both for the students of today as well as yesterday.

Everyday in our lives we are haunted by so many ghosts in the form of worries, financial distress, anger, rude neighbours, hectic work schedules and so on. We all are so hell bent on eliminating all our stress factors that we have almost forgotten that in life things can co-exist together. Hectic work schedules can co-exist with an organised life structure, rude neighbours can co-exist with pleasant social gatherings, anger can co-exist with kindness, financial distress can co-exist with work satisfaction.

Its not necessary to try to free ourselves of any ghosts. The ghosts can continue to stay and so can the keepers of light. Everytime we encounter any ghost like worry, helplessness, judgement, financial distress, we can take a nice deep letting go breath and remind ourselves that peace and calmness can co-exist with these. Each time someone judges you, say a few kind words to yourself. Every time you notice that you are having a bad day, do something as little as making yourself a nice warm cup of hot chocolate or green tea, tidy up a few things and do a quick short meditationbeautiful-blur-bright-326055 followed by reading some nice verses. Trouble and peace can co-exist simultaneously.

I had a really miserable start to the day today. Things went crazy and I lost all control over my mind. I am still recovering from its after effects but I did grab my chance to read something nice and pen down my thoughts. Though I am emotionally exhausted, I ordered a few domestic items online and crossed them off my checklist, drank some nice fruit juice and now I am planning to do a mini self hypnosis. 

Allowing things to co-exist takes a lot of pressure off our shoulders. We dont need to be constantly stressed about being happy when it all works out. We can be at ease even when some things are working out. We can be confident even if we have not yet achieved our set goals. We can make some time for the things we love even on a busy working day. We can enjoy a nice afternoon watching good movies even when we have a long list of bills to pay. Let the ghosts be there, there is no need to be afraid of them.

 

 

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Feeling awful because you are different?

“Hurry up! Catch that line. You are left behind!” yells the class teacher and the little one runs as fast as she can as she is afraid, just too afraid to miss the line.

Namaste wonderful souls. Thank you all for reading this post. Today, I wish to throw some light on why we so often feel ashamed and miserable. Ever since childhood our minds have been programmed to find peace and comfort in fitting in with the crowd. We are afraid of being left behind, just too afraid. We are all trying to keep pace with our neighbours and co-workers. We want to fit in and we try so hard for that.

None of us really likes being the odd one out. Although we have often been advised to embrace our uniqueness, we find it hard not to try to blend in with others. Our minds work that way and changing thisbeverage-blur-candy-260485 circuitry is surely not an easy job.

Lets keep it simple. Start with honesty. Its truly the best place to start with. Be super honest with yourself. Do you really feel that you are going the wrong way or is it just that you are alone on that way? Do you really need a new friend or you feel that you are incapable of taking care of yourself? Do you really want that job or you want that opportunity to brag about your accomplishments? The more you start being honest with yourself, the simpler it becomes to come out of this herd mentality.

The next very simple step is to be comfortable with your choices. We are programmed to find comfort in staying with the crowd. But are we truly comfortable? For instance, you may not at all want to attend that sports event but you are also afraid to miss out on it as all your friends are going to attend it. You may not want to apply for that job but everyone around you seems to be doing so. We need to understand what truly and genuinely brings us peace and comfort.

And a super simple step is to let the line go. You no longer need to run to catch that line. If someone cannot stay back to wait for you, let them go. True friends always look for you. They make efforts to be with you in all seasons of life. If you see your neighbours or co-workers make plans and work on them while you have no intention of doing so, take a deep breath and focus only on what you truly want for yourself. Whats the use of catching that line if its going somewhere you do not want to go. Not everyone and everything you loose is a loss. Some losses are real gains. Embrace your gain and let go of the pain. You surely do not wish to follow the crowd and land up in a job you have no apetite for or grab a bottle of alcohol which ruins your health or move into a city you dont really need to or force yourself to be someone you are not. You are too good. And its safe to be your very own self. Have a nice day ahead.

Feeling clueless and behind in life? Read this.

Namaste wonderful and powerful souls. Thank you for loving, sharing and supporting my work. So today I want to discuss about the shift from ambition to meaning. Dr. Wayne Dyer always spoke of this theory and I would really advise you to watch his movie “The shift” on youtube. Its amazing and I so love it.

I too was highly ambitious at a certain time in my life. Well being ambitious isnt a wrong thing. I mean we all have our own goals and plans which we are struggling to achieve. This keeps us motivated and active. But then there came a time in my life when nothing felt good. I developed a strong dislike for my profession, I started blaming everyone around me for all the wrong that was happening in my life and above all I lost all my sense of self worth. Now as I am trying to come out of this and see things differently, almost everyone around me seems to be sorted. They all have a clear idea of what they want to do with their lives and here I stand absolutely clueless as to what I should do. I no longer feel that sense of motivation I felt before. I dont know why.

You see while I was working at my older job almost an year ago, I felt miserable because I wasnt where I wanted to be. I felt awful because I hadnt accomplished my goals and I longed for respect from others. This is what ambition does to us. It places our source of happiness in the hands of others. Its good that we want to excel in that job interview. But have you ever thought about the why? Ambition says,”Go for it! Thats all you need for a good resume. Its your first step to success. Everyone is going to be so proud of you.” That sounds familiar, doesnt it? And thats where we all go wrong. The moment we start seeing things this way we start believing that all we need to do in life is to achieve one thing after the other and earn compliments from those around us. No wonder we are unable to handle failures in life.adult-bed-bedroom-698158

You may remember the great king Ashoka who gave up his dream to conquer one kingdom after the other. Why? Because he realised that so much warfare and bloodshed had no meaning. Thats the shift from ambition to meaning. No, I am not asking you to give up on your dreams. Its all about changing your perception. When you make this shift you realise that you want to excel in that job interview because its the pathway required to learn and grow and also earn more.

“Everything in your life is a
mirror of who you are.” Louise Hay

Sometimes in life we feel unmotivated and clueless. For instance while I work at my job everyone around me keeps on asking me about my future plans and suggests that I must apply for higher studies. The truth is that at the moment I feel no inner drive to do so. Why is this happening to me? The question of importance here is,”At the moment, whats most valuable to me?” And the answer is very simple,”To keep doing my work gracefully.” When I let go of my ambitions I was able to see life for what it truly is. I realised that my job is not just a stepping stone to success, it is success in itself. I discovered my hidden talents and passions. Instead of focussing on what I wish to get, I focus on working in full grace. I am not struggling to reach somewhere, I embrace this moment for what it truly is. I am learning to understand that being successful doesnt mean you have a six figure income or a bunch of people to praise you. Success means contentment. If you can learn to be content with where you are and what you have, achieving what you want becomes a million times easier.

Its very easy to get sucked up in the rat race especially when everyone around you is a part of it. I will tell you honestly. No matter how much confident I appear on the outside, deep within there is a voice in my head which says that the only thing that matters in life is what others think of me. How they see me is what makes my life successful. When people look up to me, thats when I can congratulate myself and celebrate my success. My whole life, I have been trying to do that. We all want to be popular and famous in our own little world.

Its only when the worldly glamor begins to fade that you see the real truth. In his beautiful poem “Anthem for the doomed youth” Wilfred Owen describes the horrors of war stating how awful it is that young soldiers die on the battlefield and many of them are even deprived of a proper funeral. Arent we creating the same horror in our lives? We have been taught to consider life as a battlefield where we are soldiers fighting for a job, the other applicant is our worst enemy and our thoughts symbolise the sounds of gunshots. What the hell are we doing? I have seen people say in their prayers that they would  be happy if the best of the job applicants are struck down by some disaster so that they can get the job of their dreams. I have seen jealousy and envy ruin beautiful friendships. I have seen people living meaningless lives struggling for something they dont even want. Yes, its true that we dont always get what we want. Sometimes we are stuck in a job we have no apetite for or a failing marriage, but if we can go through these phases of life gracefully, we have already mastered it all. Its okay not to have any plans as long as you are willing to work with grace. Its okay for people to call you a failure as long as you know your true worth. But its not okay to make your life a battlefield and wage a war against it all. If you are feeling lost and clueless, thats a million times better than going in the wrong direction, thats a million times better than living a messed up life and cursing God for it. Sending you all lots of love and healing.

Dealing with the sorrow of loneliness

“Heartbreak is a gift.” Rebekah Borucki

Okay, so my grandfather made his transition last night on the beautiful ocassion of Janmashtami. May his soul rest in peace. Tonight the entire family, all my aunts and uncles, my parents and some distant relatives were having dinner together a few hours after the cremation. Everyone sat there talking to each other and the otherwise dull house lit up with their voices. One year ago when my grandfather was alive, I remember him saying these words to me,”I was fast asleep and thought all my kids and grandkids have come home. It was so pleasant. But there isnt anyone here.” So today all his kids and grandkids did come home but sadly he is no more.

My mom always says that its extremely important for family members to support each other when a dear one has passed away. I truly agree with her. But arent we supposed to be there for each other while we are alive? The topic that I want to shine light on is loneliness. We may be lonely when we are far away from our loved ones. We may even be lonely in the midst of the entire family. I have experienced both. So I can share some knowledge here.

Sometimes in life its just not enough. We are told so many times that we should be grateful for all that we have. Thats a wonderful advice for sure. But so often its not enough. You might have your entire family living with you and yet feel lonely. You may have the most caring people around you and yet feel lonely. Why is that so? Because they dont help us out of our misery. They are not the ones we can have heart to heart conversations with and they are certainly not the ones who have any compassion for us. Our family may comprise of a lot of judgemental people whose statements do nothing but make us feel worse. So we end up feeling lonely and clueless.

Those who pass judgements on others are not happy people. So maybe you are living with a bunch of unhappy souls who are trying to lessen their pain by passing rude judgements on you. Poor souls. When we light a candle in darkness, its flame enables us to see all there is. The flame of wisdom enables us to see how the pain and suffering these souls are experiencing is also impacting us to a great extent. Dr. Dyer said in one of his lectures that once you are in your highest vibrational zone, nothing can pull you down. No matter how dumb others are they too are lifted to match your vibration.

So how do we do this? It so simple to say it but when it comes to practice, we find ourselves caught in the same mental battle again and again. My mom and dad have been passing really mean comments on me these days. They dont do it on purpose, its just how they are. The result is that I feel that staying with them is taking a toll on my emotional health. And it surely is. But running away is surely not the end to any of my troubles. Today I want to leave my parents who honestly are concerned about me. Tomorrow I will push away my spouse who says stuff simply because he is worried for me. Then I will push away friends who maybe saying mean things as well but only with an intention to point out my mistakes. So this is going to lead to even more loneliness.

Let me tell you one thing. Everyone does not have a way with words. For instance instead of saying,”Darling you should be more careful in making decisions”, people often say,”you dont have enough knowlege to make wise decisions.” I know how much you feel like yelling and asking these judgemental people to shut up. But the truth is, these poor souls are just so f*cked up that their words are nothing but trash. Not always but most of the times all these mean remarks your family members place upon you are only out of concern. 

Let me give you a really simple and rapid technique to feel better. Get the pearl and throw the trash and if there are no pearls throw it all. Let me explain. When someone says,”You are way too behind in life than others” immediately say to yourself,”I am on my own journey at my own pace which everyone cannot understand.” If someone says,”You are a burden on us” immediately say to yourself,”I am doing my best to be my best  possible version.” Keep the pearls of wisdom and throw the trash away. In this way you take responsibility for your thoughts and begin to reprogram your subconscious mind. 

Now if you take a closer look at this, wasnt this why you were feeling lonely?  Werent you expecting some special person to say these same statements for you? Doing this for yourself might seem harder but with practice it only gets better.

Now coming to what I spoke about in the beginning. What if your loved ones are not staying with you and that makes you feel lonely? The best cure to loneliness is to help someone in need. Okay, I know that this isnt going down too well with some of you as the pain of loneliness is not that easy to heal. But hear me out once. I promise you wont regret it later. Two years ago when I was staying alone, my life was a mess. I would return from work and stare at the empty walls of my room. It was awful. I so longed for someone to speak to. I tried to deal with this by spending my time reading, cleaning and sewing. That did help but it wasnt the ultimate cure. 

The ultimate cure to this misery is to do what you can do to make someone smileadult-boat-candle-265823. Go on facebook, read through the posts of your wellness group and send loving comments to anyone in need. Knit a sweater for anyone you know cant afford to buy one. Craft a greeting card for someone who has no family. And if you dont really like these ideas, dont worry I have many more. Make it a habit to write a post on the page of any wellness group you are a part of. Even if you dont feel like it, try doing it on a regular basis for at least a week. Make small little notecards and write loving messages in them. If you arent comfortable giving them to people by hand, simply drop them in the mailbox of your neighbours or put them in the chief closet of your workplace. Invent your own tiny little ideas and cure yourself of the pain you are suffering from. May God bless you and me too.

My not so perfect life

Namaste wonderful abirds-nature-river-87414nd powerful souls. Thank you for reading, loving and sharing my wok. I do hope to be with you in your good and bad days through my work.

So today I want to write about something that has been on my mind for quite sometime now. So often we all hear famous people and wellness coaches say,”I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams.” And then I look at my own life with a sad face and my thoughts say,”I never get anything I want. Why am I not that fortunate?” And when I look at those people my thoughts say,”Liars! No one can have that good a life.”

So let me address these issues today. None of us are living a perfect life. I repeat “none of us.” Even those who say how happy and blessed they feel do not have everything they want. So are they lying? Well not all but most of them are definitely not lying. They just have an entirely different perception of life. You will be amazed to find out that some of them have exactly the same life as yours and yet they call it a life beyond their wildest dreams.

“But are you even slightly aware of the shit I go through each day?” “Do you know the pain I feel when I attend baby showers when I have no kids of my own?” “How much my heart breaks when I see happy couples all around.” “My grandfather is on death bed and its hard to see him leaving.” I know that these are some of the statements you might be thinking right now. I know it makes you upset and I am no different from you.

But the bitter truth is that maybe we are not living the life of our dreams, the life we had envisioned for ourself but the better truth is that no matter where we are in life, a slight shift in perception can create miracles.

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” A course in miracles

So coming to some of my personal experiences. I am mostly a calm and kind person when it comes to my workplace. Although I dislike my job, I choose to practice kindness and this practice keeps me going. But when it comes to my family especially my parents it takes no time for me to loose my cool. In my subconscious mind, there is a list of complaints against them which is stored in its main memory. And with each passing day, more topics are being added to this list. To be honest, I feel that this is really unfair. I believe my family members deserve my kindness the most and yet they are the ones who receive it the least. So what happens when I am with them? Does my kindness bank run out of its currency? Let me explain what happens. The moment I have arguments with them my mind starts off with its ranting,”If only you were married and owned a house of your own, you wouldnt have to put up with this,” “If only I had saved up a little more I would be living in my own house.” So basically its my personal disappointment in my very own self that expresses itself as anger and resentment. More than their words, I am judging my own actions and choices.

Lets see how a shift in perception helps me out. Lets take a nice deep letting go breath and choose to see our lives without judgement. I know that this is definitely not the place where I want to be but despite of all these troubles I can see my life through the eyes of love. Love believes in the concept of oneness, compassion and forgiveness. And it all begins with the self. Self forgiveness and self compassion are the keys to a healthy and fruitful life.

You will be surprised to see how much and how often you judge yourself. These judgements ruin our peace of mind. Lets face it. We all secretly wish to be picture perfect. We all want a life we can brag about and be proud of. We all want a career profile adorned with the glory of our accomplishments, we all want that dream wedding or that dream date, we all want to live in those charming houses and we so long for love and respect from others. The problem doesnt lie in our lives, it lies in our perception. The picture we are carrying in our heads consists of half the things we dont genuinely want and the other half we dont truly need. Drop this picture and you will be able to see how picture perfect your life truly is.

Thats surely easier said than done. Its not easy to let go of that image we hold on so dearly to. I once tried doing so. In my professional life, I was always very clear as to what I want and where I am heading. But then suddenly everything went downhill and I became completely clueless as to what exactly happened. When I hit rock bottom, I realised that life isnt about achieving one thing after the other. It isnt about reaching somewhere. Its about being here, right where you are. Its about the shift from ambition to meaning, the shift from being a slave to our expectations to being free of all judgements. Its all about making a shift right now in this moment. 

Afraid of greeting new people? Read this.

Okay, so let me begin this post by making an honest confession. I am not much of a social person. Or lets say that I really dont like being in a group of people. The moment I meet someone new, I feel annoyed for no known reson. But today, something brilliant happened. I came across a new employee at work and all I wanted to do was run away in order to escape any conversation. I took a moment to reflect upon my thoughts and began to journal it all out. I finally realised where the problem lies. The moment I meet someone, all my mind can think of is what they must be thinking of me. At the conscious level, I may say that I am not a people pleaser but at the subconscious level I am so very afraid of what others may think of me.

One of the essential steps to gain mental freedom is to take responsibility for our thoughts. At a deeper level, our mind is only focussed on being the hero in someone else’s thoughts. Taking responsibility for our thoughts means that our thoughts should portray us as the hero.

At times, we are so afraid of being the wrong ones in others’ thoughts that we run away from conversations and avoid social gatherings. So lets come back to my experience now. Once I realised what my problem is I sat down next to my new co-worker and greeted her. She was the one to initiate the conversation. Although I was in no mood to engage in the conversation, I spoke to her politely and chose to be the patient listener. I did not force myself to act friendly as people often advise me to do. I simply sat there and noticed the thoughts that were bothering me. There were thoughts of shame, fear, guilt and regret from failed past experiences and above all there was this constant  urge to run away. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that its good to be me and I dont need to act like someone else.adult-bed-bedroom-698158

One of the best ways to change our perception is self hypnosis and the use of hynoaffirmations. A quick short practice each day gives me a little more confidence and I do feel and act in a much better way.

The next thing you can try is to understand that sometimes deep rooted shame can create such patterns. Sometimes we just dont know why we feel so ashamed. We havent robbed anyone, we havent committed any crime and yet we are so very ashamed of ourselves. You may not be aware of this but at the deeper level, our thoughts may still be reflecting the pain and shame of past failures. To deal with this, start with being honest with yourself. If you were wrong, forgive yourself and remember that we are all here to learn. If you just feel embarassed because you are afraid of disappointing others and coming across as a fool, let me assure you of one thing and that is that wisdom lies in embracing the fact that the only thing that matters is what you say to yourself.

Let me give you an example. Cassey Ho is a really famous fitness trainer and you tuber. You all may have heard about her. I simply love and adore all her videos and so love her confidence. Almost every video she puts up is attacked by really mean comments amongst all the praises and thanks. But she is still here rising and shining. Why? Because she does not say the same nasty stuff to herself. The problem only arises when are mean to ourselves.

So our biggest takeaway for today to take responaibility for our thoughts by being exceptionally kind to ourselves and to focus on being our own heroes.

 

“Fake it till you make it” Right or wrong?

We all must have heard of this beautiful advice. While some of us may not agree with it, some do feel that its a great way to begin adapting to change. So today lets learn about what this advice truly means and then you can see for yourself whether it helps you or not.beverage-blur-candy-260485

First, let me tell you about something I recently read. In her new book, the world renowned hypnotherapist Grace Smith talks about the four steps to mental freedom.

1- Taking responsibility for your actions

2- Taking responsibility for your thoughts

3- Reprogramming the subconscious mind

4- Giving it back

So, when we fake it we are actually taking responsibility for our actions. For instance, you have a terrible emotional meltdown at your workplace and you just cant control your tears. Your boss calls you a drama queen. How does that feel? Awful! Isnt it? But instead of yelling at your boss and creating a scene, you choose to silently move towards the washroom. You are not calm at all. You are super angry at your mean boss but by faking this bebaviour you are taking responsibility for your actions. You know that yelling at her wont make you feel any better. It will only add to your troubles not because your boss might get annoyed with you but because you will only get yourself even more stressed by initiating unwanted arguments which wont lead to any good.

I know that some of you are going to say that faking kindness does not make you feel any good. The suppressed anger is quite hard to handle. I agree. Thats because you are not taking the second step to mental freedom. Unless you start taking responsibility for your thoughts as well this wont do you any good. Now, thats easier said than done. But if only you could see how much your thoughts affect your life, you would be able to understand the importance of this process.

A minor rude remark can create millions of unhappy thoughts which torment us and mould our belief system. Once you start this practice you will slowly discover how many unhealthy beliefs you have been harboring in your subconscious mind. So coming to taking responsibility for our thoughts, what does this mean? Lets take an example.

Thoughts- I am so lonely. I have no friends. Its so hard to make friends at my age. My job doesnt pay me well. My parents are always pointing out my flaws? Why cant they see the good in me? Why do I feel so behind in life?

Taking responsibility for our thoughts- This by no way means that you can delete the negative thoughts in an instant. This means that you get to the root of the issue. When your boss called you a drama queen, what made you feel so angry? The fact that you did nothing wrong yet someone put the blame on you. These remarks hurt because you have placed your source of happiness outside of you. At the subconscious level, we have placed our source of happiness and peace in the compliments we receive. So if a compliment is your source of motivation, one nasty remark is enough to knock you down. If your parents saying,” We are so very proud of you” makes you feel good and confident about yourself, their saying,” We are so disppointed in you” will shatter all your confidence.

There is a beautiful saying which says that we must learn to be happy for no reason because if we are happy for some reason, that reason can be taken away from us. Your source of motivation, confidence, joy, peace and power should be you yourself. Placing this in the hands of someone else gives them the power to ruin your life. So taking responsibility for your thoughts begins with changing your source of happiness from things outside of you to the divine intelligence which lies within you.

Whenever we dress up, we are always wanting others to compliment us. So today I tried something different. I wore a soft cotton clothing in a dull pink colour and I wore a silver locket with a unicorn pendant. The clothing made me feel comfortable and relaxed while the unicorn pendant was adorable and served as a reminder of my creative talents. I knew beforehand that no one would compliment me and for the very first time I learned to place my source of happiness in nurturing myself instead of relying on praises and compliments.

The next step which will help you in taking responsibility for your thoughts is observation without judgement. By simply observing your thoughts, you are getting to know what all negative thoughts come to your mind, what triggers them and in what ways they are holding you back. For instance, my parents made fun of me today saying that I dramatised a particular situation. I felt terribly upset and angry. All the thoughts that flooded my mind involved saying mean things to them and making them feel even worse than I was feeling. But by observing my thoughts and bringing them to the light I was able to understand that this isnt something that will make me feel any better and I surely do not wish to add to my distress.

Finally, once we have observed our thoughts, all we need to do is to honor the feelings of which those thoughts are made of. Almost all my thoughts were made up of anger and resentment. Instead of suppressing this anger, I chose to honor it and allowed myself to feel all that I wanted to feel. And I finally realised that what others say is who they are and I am no one to judge them. Even if what they are saying is not true, I am no one to judge why they said that. You are no one to judge why your boss called you a drama queen. She has her own reasons no matter how silly they are. Giving up on judgements paves the way for freedom and kindness.